The Love Doctor’s Formula for Fulfillment: How Gratitude, Forgiveness, and Growth Heal Relationships
Featuring Anil Gupta on the Raising Wild Hearts Podcast
🌿 The Power of Presence and the G³ Formula
This week on Raising Wild Hearts, I sat down with Anil Gupta, internationally known as The Love Doctor. Anil has helped thousands of people in over 18 countries transform their relationships — not just in love, but in how they communicate, forgive, and grow.
His story is as remarkable as his message. After losing everything in 2008 and facing the brink of despair, he rebuilt his life — not through money or success, but through giving, growing, and gratitude.
What began as a personal revelation became a universal formula:
Happiness = G³ = Giving × Growing × Gratitude.
He calls it the Happiness Formula, and it’s as simple as it is profound. When we focus on what we have instead of what we lack, happiness expands — and relationships heal.
📚What You’ll Learn in this Mindset Podcast
How to reframe daily stress and family chaos into gratitude and awareness
Why forgiveness is the express pathway to freedom — and what it actually looks like in real life
Simple, soulful practices to communicate with more compassion and calm
How to raise emotionally aware kids (and nurture yourself in the process)
Listen to the full episode:
💞 For the Overwhelmed Caregiver: A Reframe for Everyday Love
When I asked what he would say to busy, tired mothers or caregivers trying to juggle everything, his answer was breathtakingly simple:
“What if they all died tomorrow?”
Not as a shock tactic — but as an invitation to gratitude. To see the socks on the floor and say, thank God they’re still here to make the mess.
In the Raising Wild Hearts world, we call that a sacred ordinary moment — turning irritation into appreciation, chaos into connection.
🌸 Forgiveness: The Express Path to Freedom
Forgiveness, Anil says, is not about excusing someone else. It’s about freeing ourselves from the stories that keep us trapped.
He teaches that “forgiveness is the express pathway to freedom.”
When we forgive ourselves and others, we create space for peace — for new stories to take root where resentment once lived.
Freedom, he adds, isn’t financial or external.
It’s the inner knowing that “whatever life throws at me, I can handle it.”
🔑 Love in Practice: Awareness, Language, and Little Things
Relationships, Anil says, fail when we stop serving. When we shift from “How can I love you?” to “What am I getting?”
He and his wife have been married for 37 years — and they still do the small things. She puts toothpaste on his brush. He thanks her daily. It’s the little things that become the big things.
Love is a muscle, not a miracle. And awareness — of tone, of presence, of word choice — keeps it alive.
“Tone changes everything,” he told me. “Say it with love, and you’ll be heard.”
🌕 Raising Wild Hearts Takeaways
The one thing Anil wants us to remember, it’s this:
“Be so amazing, you cannot be ignored.”
That’s how we change the world—by starting at home.
Chapters
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to the Love Doctor
01:17 The Happiness Formula: The Three G's
05:26 Finding Balance in Giving, Growing, and Gratitude
07:05 Awareness: The Key to Happiness
09:57 The Power of Forgiveness
11:33 Gratitude: A Pathway to Freedom
13:00 Reframing Challenges in Parenting
16:10 Understanding True Freedom
17:58 The Pursuit of Fulfillment
20:24 Enjoying the Journey Over the Destination
21:33 Cooking Up Relationships
23:08 The Art of Prioritizing Your Partner
24:36 Small Gestures, Big Impact
26:38 Communication and Tone in Relationships
27:51 Empowering Children Through Contribution
29:48 Be So Amazing You Cannot Be Ignored
31:13 The Power of Language in Parenting
34:30 Acts of Kindness and Being Your Best Self
Up Next: How to Be Confident in Any Room with Kathryn Woods
Resources: The ‘Best Books of All Time’ Curated Booklist for Mindful Moms and Conscious Parents
Full transcript of this conversation with Ryann Watkin and Anil Gupta AKA The Love Doctor
Ryann (00:01.166)
Welcome back to the Raising Wild Hearts podcast where psychology meets soul and where we believe we can change the world by starting at home in our own minds and hearts. Today I am honored to be sitting with Anil Gupta known internationally as the Love Doctor. Anil has helped people in over 18 countries create extraordinary relationships not just in love but how we communicate, forgive and grow. His story is one of profound transformation.
from near despair to global impact. And today he is sharing what it truly takes to live and love freely. Anil, thank you so much for being here.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (00:41.161)
Thank you for welcoming me on your show and I make this promise that there'll be amazing content that you can immediately apply with immediate results and proven results and everything we talk about is very practical.
Ryann (00:54.574)
Did you hear that everyone? We're gonna dive right into how to be happy today. And that's actually where I wanna kick us off is your happiness formula. You call the three G's, giving, growing and gratitude. I love that so much because I have a sense that it's all free to do, right? We can grow on the internet, we can give a penny, we can give a smile, we can give a hug.
How did you come up with this happiness formula and why is it so important that we really weave these three elements into our daily lives?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (01:32.596)
So the formula really came about from a series of events. And the first event was in November 2008. I'd lost everything in the stock market, the house, the cars, all the funds that we had for our kids' education. And I was on the verge of suicide. And I was sitting there, and I had to tell my wife, something really bad has happened. And she said, what's going on? And I told her, look, I've lost everything. We're going to lose everything.
And Rianne, she looked up at me and she smiled and I thought, this is really very strange. I don't get this. Why isn't she upset? Why didn't she react? And then she said, honey, I knew something was wrong. You've been behaving strangely. And I had been behaving strangely. I thought you were dying. I thought you had cancer. I don't care about the money. And that was a shock to me. And then from then she said, what do you love to do? I said, I love to do events. Then we started doing events, five, 10.
15, 20, 25, 50, 100, 500, eventually 10,000 people. Then I wrote a book and that became a bestseller. Then I was thinking, you know, what is it that I did?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (02:45.141)
that got me here, got me to this place of success. Is there possibly a formula? Maybe there is. Then I thought, what did I do? I did this, this and this. And I thought, what would be great? My surname is Gupta, so that's a G. And I thought, give. I've been giving, yeah. And my God, I grew a lot. my gosh, I'm really grateful because I'm still alive.
I thought that's G, I'll do G plus G plus G. I said that's a bit boring, you know, there's no power in it, a plus, a plus, so I thought G cubed. There you go. So that's how it started. And you know the first one is gratitude. So let me give you an example. If you look at your hands, Rhian,
When was the last time you thanked them?
Ryann (03:36.161)
The last time I thanked them was this morning because I heard you on another podcast asked another woman and I thought that's brilliant. I'm gonna thank my hands right now.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (03:40.085)
We'll you
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (03:44.359)
Okay, so there's a further distinction. I would thank my hands. Then on the 25th of August, at 8.45am, I was playing pickleball like I do every morning for four hours. I slipped and fell. And I fell really well. I scraped my my bone here. think there's a scar there. I scraped my bone there. I dislocated my wrist.
and I fractured my wrist in nine places.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (04:18.207)
But then in my happiness score, G times G times G, before that was nine times nine times nine, which is 729. When that happened, it went down to 111. So my happiness score went from 729 to one. Then I remembered, you know, what's a happiness score? gratitude. How can I be grateful? my God, Anil, it's your left hand. I'm right handed.
I just bought this new pad on it wasn't damaged.
Ryann (04:48.534)
Yeah, the really, really small things, right? In a time like that, yeah.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (04:54.633)
And so my gratitude score went up to five. Okay. Then I thought, how can I give? And I looked at all the paramedics that the paramedics were there. I had a 12 point EKG on me and a stretcher came, the whole works. I thought, let me thank them. So I thank everybody. And then the friends who were looking after me, who propped me up were very patient with me, know, watered me and kept me cool, ice bags, everything.
Ryann (04:57.505)
Okay.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (05:24.693)
So that went up to a five. So my score was 25. Then I thought, how can I grow here? You know, I could use this as a teaching lesson. I could share my story. I could mentally grow because I was beating myself up. Why was I so stupid to do that? So that went up to a five. So it went up to 125. So in a matter of probably an hour, it went from one to 125. And this is why this formula is so important.
If you use this, can actually see how you can improve your happiness score by asking yourself, what's my lowest G? Is it give, is it gross, is gratitude? And that way you don't get overwhelmed. You don't have to start thinking, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Say, what's one thing I can do right now that will raise one score, which raises all three scores. So.
Ryann (06:14.754)
Sure. So can we have a balance between this giving, this gratitude, and the growing? Is there an equal balance at all times, or is it going to be that one is lower than the other always?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (06:28.479)
There's always one lower the other. It could be a nine, a nine, an 8.9. But there's never a balance. There's a beautiful equilibrium. And that's a beautiful thing. It's very fluid. In one moment, if I'm grateful, in that moment, I'm 100 % grateful. But in that moment, if I'm 100 % grateful, the giving score may go down in that moment. But the equilibrium is what we need to focus on.
Ryann (06:57.901)
Yeah.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (06:58.197)
It's like, you know, rising tides lift all ships. So keep on working on the lowest and that way you never need to worry about what I need to do next. You never need to get overwhelmed.
Ryann (07:10.958)
Sure. So you know what I think of when you tell that story about you falling on the pickleball court is we've all had those days when our day is just going really bad and we wake up in a mood and we're fighting with our family or we spill coffee and then, you know, all we get a ticket, all the things seem to keep happening and happening when we're in this lower energetic state, right? And
in those days when people are struggling or even those seasons, right? Because we have seasons where things are hard and, you know, things pile up and where, you know, the lessons keep on coming, as I like to say. And what does somebody do in that day or in that season when they're really, really struggling? How do they remember, my happiness score? How do I remember, it's just the very little things that I can focus on to be happy?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (08:07.859)
Yeah, it's a great question. it is only one way and that's through awareness. See, awareness gives you clarity. Clarity gives you focus, focus gives you action, action gives you results, results gives you momentum, momentum gives you everything. So how can you raise your level of awareness, you could wear a band on your on your wrist like this, every time you look at it, I have to be aware. You could have a post-it note on your computer with a big letter A on it. You could have your phone.
remind you every two or three hours. And then what happens is it becomes a muscle as you exercise this muscle, it just gets stronger and stronger and stronger. And unfortunately, people don't have that awareness muscle, they're always reacting rather than responding. So then they get in flight or flee mode.
Ryann (08:55.798)
Mm-hmm. I used to be like that. I used to just when everything came my way I would just like, you know not respond but react and in a way It was like almost addicting I don't know if that's like the right way to think about it but it was so familiar and I almost liked it like the drama of this kind of victim hood if I'm being really freaking honest and so
There's, and what helped me ultimately shift out of that place, right, was challenge. And honestly, it was like a rock bottom, dark night of the soul. And I had to go to that place. I had to go all the way to the bottom to be like, I have choices. And the first thing for me was like, I get to choose. I'm choosing everything.
in my life right now. Like this is a choice. And that helped me really flex that awareness muscle really. And I did do the alarms on my phone for, I would say almost years, I would have an alarm every two hours on my phone. And it would remind me to breathe. And what that would do is bring me back to the present moment and bring me inside my body, get me out of my mind. And so I really have compassion for those who
don't have that awareness because I was in that space, right? And also I wanna be like, come on everybody, it's time for us to be aware as a culture, look at all the horrible things going on, look at the division happening out there, it's time for us to be aware of our own side of the street, it's time for us to create really healthy relationships, really healthy homes.
and have that ripple out, right? We need that ripple effect now more than ever. So how do you kind of grapple with that? Like, yes, I'm aware and I'm coaching others to be aware and I'm teaching my message, but what about others who are not aware? How do you muster that compassion for them? And is there a way to help wake someone up?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (11:15.765)
You know, I love what you did and it's so powerful. One of the things that we need to do is to forgive ourselves. You know, we beat ourselves up. We make so many stories which are untrue and forgiveness is the express pathway to freedom. And remember that, you know, when I was going through this phase, people were saying to me, this too shall pass, this too shall pass. And I thought, no, this is not.
You don't get it. This is so painful, but it shall pass. And one of the exercises I give my clients is this write down 50 things you're grateful for. You know, so I don't know if you can see, but this is my good hand. This is my fractured hand. A week ago, I couldn't move it. I've got stitches down here. I've got two metal pins and metal plate. And
I can't even pick up a piece of paper. So imagine what it would be like without a hand, without a leg. There are so many things to be grateful. You we can breathe, we can see, we can eat, we have food. So write down the list of things you're grateful for. Your friends, your relatives, your work, a roof over your head, you have free oxygen. And then
As you write down the things you're grateful, notice how you feel. And then when you change your focus, you change your feeling. What you focus on is what you get. So if you focus on, I'm a failure, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, there's something wrong with me, you're not going to feel great. But if you focus on, you know, that even before I was born, people loved me. Even before I was born, I brought so much excitement to my family. And when I did finally come on board,
my god, I was filled with love. I was the love machine. I didn't have to do anything. All I had to do was be love. We forget about these things.
Ryann (13:24.879)
Yeah, we do. We do. And I love how you reference like a newborn or a baby in a mom's belly because it's every day and ordinary. And at the same time, like, what a miracle, right? Every time I see a baby, I'm like, oh my god, what a miracle. And I have three kids, 10 and under. And some days it doesn't feel like a miracle with them right now because they're all going through various developmental phases.
You know, they all need very, you know, they all have varying needs that I mostly, you know, of course, and my husband too, and our community needs to pour into them. And man, it's like a full-time job right now. So for that parent specifically, and in this context, I like to say mother because we are the, I believe the nourishers.
the nurturers, the protectors in a big way. I look at myself as protecting my kids' energetic space, projecting their little being. For somebody who's really in it with children and is feeling pulled in many different directions and is just trying to get to drop off, to get to this, to get to that, and they're in that speedy kind of mode, which I have a tendency to do, asking for a friend, right?
What would you say to that woman, that mother specifically who just feels so busy and overwhelmed?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (15:01.702)
Okay, the quality questions you ask will determine the quality of your life. So ask yourself, what if they all died tomorrow?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (15:15.423)
How upset would I, how devastating would I be? Would it be?
Ryann (15:21.057)
I mean, like crawling under a rock and not being able to emerge. It'd be horrible.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (15:24.405)
Yeah, it'd be horrible. Then say, well, thank God that didn't happen. My son, he's still is he's very messy. He leaves his clothes hanging around his contact lenses in the sink. And I would get upset. Then one day, when I was watching a movie in the movie, the child died. And I thought, what if that was my son who died? Would I complain about the socks? Would I complain about the contact lenses? I said no.
So then I reframed it every time I saw the socks, the contact lenses, the mess. I said, thank God he's still alive. Thank God he's with me. So we can reframe everything and we don't have to be reactive. Why did you have the kids? How much joy did they bring you? this is pointing in a child's life where a baby can do anything. It can poop, pee, can break things.
Ryann (16:01.199)
Yeah. Yeah.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (16:22.005)
and we never get upset. But there comes a point where we expect something from the child. That's where there's a disjoint and the child thinks, hang on a minute, I used to do anything I wanted and I would get love. Now, I better do something in order to get love. So they can be good athletes, good scholars, know, good around the house, kind, sympathetic, empathetic, or...
They can be disruptive. if I'm disruptive, I get attention. So kids have to make that choice and it's not their fault. So accept them as they are and be present with them. Talk to them, nurture them. And there's no way to get to with kids. You we want them to excel at things that we couldn't, but you don't have to do that. They will flourish.
Ryann (17:17.015)
Hmm, that's so beautiful on their time. Yeah Yeah, I think about this often believe it or not because I remember that shift for me and I want it It's definitely in like grade school. It's like once you get past that kindergarten first grade Stage when you're expected to be this like mature little self-sustaining being we think kids, you know, they're very
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (17:18.188)
on that time scale.
Ryann (17:43.606)
able to verbally reason, you know, they have very strong opinions. So we forget how much guidance and, you know, forgiveness and grace that we need to extend to them. And so I'm very aware of that with my children. But I love that you brought it back to presence because all we have is right now. And I need to remind myself sometimes, like hundreds of times a day, like, just be right here, you know, just
be right here. So I keep coming back to that. So you said a word that I want to unpack, and you said the word freedom. And to me, freedom is one of my core values. And what do you mean when you say, well, what you said was, forgiveness is the express way to freedom, something like that. But why do we all want freedom?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (18:38.175)
See, most people don't want freedom. They want financial freedom.
Ryann (18:45.795)
So what's the difference between freedom and financial freedom?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (18:49.845)
Okay, so freedom is the definition. Okay, so my definition of freedom is this. It's your ability to handle life, whatever life throws at you, if you know that you can handle life, that is freedom. When you have financial freedom, that doesn't mean you have freedom. There's a fear of losing the money, there's a fear of someone cheating you, there's a fear of is that friend being a friend because I have money.
But when you have freedom, can just know that whatever life throws at you, you can handle. And that gives you that peace of mind.
Ryann (19:28.771)
Yeah, so this is not an external freedom. This is not, have the house so I'm comfortable or have the job or the number in the bank account. This is an inside job. That's what I'm hearing you say.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (19:45.215)
Yeah. See, a lot of people are looking for happiness, but really, they're going to get shocked when they listen to this. We're not seeking happiness. Happiness is external. What we're seeking is a feeling. Everything that we do as human beings, we do for a feeling, having a child for the feeling it gives us, having money in the bank for the feeling it gives us, having a nice meal, a car, a house for the feeling it gives us. So what we're seeking is a feeling of fulfillment.
That's what we're feeling. And the formula is g times g times g.
Ryann (20:20.196)
Yeah. And that's how we feel fulfilled. And those G's have nothing to do with anything external. Like those are all inside jobs. Okay. I love this. I love this because my first research on happiness was actually a book called The Happiness Advantage. And Sean Acor went around and studied these students at Harvard and found the difference between the ones who were thriving and the ones who were depressed or just really not fulfilled was that
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (20:23.221)
Yep.
Ryann (20:50.474)
they thought that they were going to be happy when they were successful, when they graduated, when they got the fellowship or the, you know, whatever it is. But the ones who actually ended up being successful were the ones that were fulfilled and happy first. So it's like a non-negotiable prerequisite to success because we all want this big dream. We all have the big desire and this big
sometimes ego driven idea of our worldly success and what that should look and feel like. So how do we really stay grounded in that internal pursuit of fulfillment versus the outside? Because we need the outside. We need the finances. We need the investments. We need the retirement funds. We do live in the world where we need that stuff. So how do we balance the two?
I guess desires, if you will.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (21:53.011)
Yeah, so it's really who you spend time with. And if you spend spending time with people who are money motivators who are, you know, very academically based, and your parents, you know, if they're pushing you, I'm an Indian, so our parents always pushed us. And it's difficult because a lot of kids are finding it very difficult and they don't want to be let be letting down their family and a lot of
kids who are pushed end up doing professions to please their parents and then around 45 they say well this is not what I really wanted to do so it's it's it's awareness again just awareness is what makes you happy what makes you tick what is it that you love to do and why are you not doing it you know there's there's no prize at the end of the day you know if you've got 10 million dollars 20 million dollars
Ryann (22:43.173)
Yeah.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (22:52.979)
And that's the goal. But have you enjoyed the journey? And the secret is to give in the moment you give all your pain and suffering disappears. And when you give the person receiving the gift receives endorphins you receive endorphins the person watching the sharing of the gift receives endorphins that continues on and on and on. So
You have to continually grow, have to continually give and you have to be grateful. But that doesn't stop you from being successful. But don't make the end goal the be all and end all because it's in the now, in the now, in the now.
Ryann (23:35.108)
Yeah, so I'm hearing you say it's the process, not the destination. Fall in love with the process, yeah?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (23:46.707)
Yeah, when you do that, the destination becomes so much more enjoyable. And there'll be no attachment to the fact that you haven't reached that goal. You'll just be in such a blissful, beautiful space that there was nothing missing. And you're not going to get that big upset.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (24:11.797)
Can hear that? That's my wife's cooking. I'm having burnt toast again. Now, this is a perfect example. I could react. Oh my God, I'm on a radio show. said, no. I said, you know what? Let's not react. Let's respond. There you go. You know, Rhianna, I've been married 37 years, one month and 12 days. I've had three bad meals in all of that time.
Ryann (24:12.815)
Yes.
Ryann (24:22.894)
That's hilarious. Right.
Ryann (24:33.306)
Yep, this is great.
Ryann (24:42.296)
I love that. I love that. It's so funny. We have the same story of a bad meal in our marriage too. Please.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (24:43.369)
Yeah, can name every one.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (24:50.741)
But do you want me to name them? Breakfast?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (24:57.735)
lunch and dinner you guessed
Ryann (25:01.282)
And dinner. my God. That's a trip. That is a trip. my God, Anil. See, I'm the cook in our house. one time when my husband and I were first dating, he had an idea to make this recipe. And I was like, yeah, that sounds amazing. And he had this very specific list of ingredients he needed to get. I went to the grocery store with him.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (25:11.487)
Yeah.
you
Ryann (25:29.89)
I made all these substitutions, these healthier or whatever substitutions, and this meal just was so inedible. It was so bad. We still talk about this meal 10 plus years later. Remember that time? So that's hilarious. And I love that this is the perfect organic segue into you and your wife have been married a long time. How does everything we've talked about so far play into
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (25:43.925)
beautiful.
Ryann (25:59.395)
your partnership with her.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (26:02.495)
Okay, so the reason, do you know why relationships fail? Because we start off serving the other partner, we make them our number one priority, then they don't reciprocate or we expect them to do something and they don't do it, they're gonna think, hang on a minute, I did this but she didn't do that for me. Then it becomes transactional.
Ryann (26:07.652)
Why?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (26:28.135)
And if you make your partner your number one priority, your relationship will always thrive. And that's what we do when we date.
That's why we need to continue doing what we used to do. Every morning my wife puts toothpaste on my toothbrush.
How beautiful is that? Not because she loves me, or she does love me, because I was injured and I couldn't do it. I only had one. Yeah. And that's a beautiful thing. It's the small things that are the big things. The little notes, a little thank you, a little touch, a little look. It's... Yeah.
Ryann (26:48.248)
So sweet.
Yeah.
Yeah, she was thinking about you. And you need help. Right.
Ryann (27:04.686)
Yeah, right. We forget. It's so easy to forget. And again, it brings it full circle to awareness, right? Becoming aware. I think we get caught up in I'm not getting, I'm not getting, I'm not getting that we forget to give. if some of us are stubborn, which, right? I'm raising my hand too.
we can get caught in that I'm not getting kind of rut. And the really small give. I sent my husband a funny little, a funny gif this morning, just like, hey. And he's like, yeah, that's funny, like we used to do when we were dating. And little, little. I love how it's the toothpaste, the really small text. It's not like the.
the diamond whatever or the golf clubs or which my husband would love, but it's not that big stuff. It's the small stuff. I love that.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (28:07.157)
It is a small stuff. here's a question you can ask all your listeners to ask. How can I do something beautiful for my husband, my wife right now? It could just be say, honey, I love you. Honey, thank you for keeping me safe. Thank you for fixing the shower rail. You know, this is small things that are the big things. And if you continue to do that, that muscle develops. So then it just becomes more.
Ryann (28:18.534)
Yeah.
Ryann (28:21.958)
Yeah.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (28:35.221)
I would say luscious. There's a beautiful texture in your relationship. It doesn't have to be transactional.
Ryann (28:43.033)
Yeah, that's beautiful.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (28:44.447)
you know, how could I be a better mother? How could I in this moment serve my son? And you could ask your husband, what can I do to make you feel more respected? know, men want respect, women want love. And you can ask him, hey, can you ask me what I could do, what he could do to make you feel more loved? And if he knows what to do, he'll do it. If you know what to do, you'll do it. And everybody wins.
Ryann (29:08.453)
That's a beautiful question. And I'm going to share one of the things that I know helps him or, you know, like helps that feeling of mutual respect, but respect on his end. And it's the way that I speak to him. It's the way that I, you know, sometimes if I'm in like a self-righteous, like
this should be done the right way and I know what's best for the kids and all the different things that we think we're so right about. I will be on this soap box or this hill to die on with this sword made of words because I'm an arguer and I get really kind of chippy and I get a little without noticing. And so I know that when I need to have a conversation about something that I don't agree with and it might be something that we don't see eye eye on and we need to get to see eye to eye.
It's just the simple way of showing up and not speaking as if I'm his master or a teacher or somebody who knows so much better. It's just kind of really like softening. And so any women out there, if you want to soften just a bit and I'm ambitious, I'm smart, I'm doing that in air quotes.
I'm like a go-getter, you know, I'm all these things. And so I can forget that I'm also a soft, feminine, you know, nurturing presence in our home. So I need to kind of compartmentalize those two parts. So that's a big part of respect, I think. And I'm speaking for my husband, but I think he would agree.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (30:51.625)
Yeah, and it works the other way too, because it's all about tone. If your husband uses certain tone, it won't go down well. you can say, hey, honey, if you would, and I said this to my wife, honey, every time you use that tone, I cannot listen to you. I will not listen to you. I will not do anything you tell me. But if you say this in this tone, whatever you want, I'll do my very best to make that happen. And it's that conversation.
having that authentic conversation, but coming from a place of love.
Ryann (31:26.063)
Yeah, so our two oldest kids are eight and 10 currently, and they'll say this thing when my husband and I, or I, are telling them something that needs to be done, or correcting, or repairing, something like that. We're just, we have this tone. We're not screaming, but they'll be like, stop yelling. We're not yelling, but from where they're standing.
we're yelling at them because of the way that we're saying it. And so you really, we really have to like take a beat, rewind, okay, center. And then we come to it with this non-emotionally charged tone, I would say, right?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (32:11.187)
Yeah, so do your kids do chores?
Ryann (32:14.349)
They do and yes, they do. Even the three year old, huh? Actually, he's four now. Do they like doing them? I do think they like doing them. know, their biggest number one job is to take care of their bodies without being told. So that's like the teeth brushing, the hair brushing, the getting dressed, like all that kind of stuff. So we're really empowering them to do, to have accountability for that. Do they enjoy their chores? I mean,
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (32:18.358)
Do they like it? Do they like doing them?
Ryann (32:41.635)
walking the dog, throwing the laundry in, bringing the dish up after they eat. I wouldn't say they enjoy it, but there's not really like a grumbling too much. mean, sometimes, but they don't really grumble about it.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (32:51.765)
Okay. I'll give you a breakthrough here. Instead of calling it chores, say, hey kids, what of these three things would you like to contribute to the family?
Ryann (32:57.019)
Okay.
Ryann (33:07.505)
yeah. That reframe.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (33:11.175)
Yeah, choice is painful.
Ryann (33:13.413)
Yeah, we actually don't call them chores, we call them jobs, but that could, same kind of thing.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (33:16.149)
Yeah. Yeah. You know, when, when, you're instilling in them contribution, which is giving, see, every time you walk the dog, you're contributing to the family, you're contributing to the dog, you're contributing to yourself because you're getting fresh air and exercise. You see, so that that's a different energy.
Ryann (33:23.577)
attribution.
Ryann (33:39.282)
It is. And when they feed the dog, I'll be like, Bodie's so grateful. Look at how grateful he is. He's wagging his tail. Or when they're grumbling about walking him, I'll say, look at him. He's so excited. He sees that you have the leash in your hand. And so I do say little things like that. But gosh, what a powerful word. Just one word, contribution. And this is how you said we can reframe anything. Case in point.
So as we start to wrap up, I would love to hear one thing that you really think we're getting wrong right now as a culture. And if you had a magic wand and you could magically correct it, what would that thing be?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (34:26.965)
I would say this one sentence will change people's lives. Be so amazing, you cannot be ignored. And if you are ignored, it doesn't matter because how you show up will be of magnificent so. So for example, I could say to my son, you've got to respect your elders, you've got to respect your parents. But if I'm if I'm sitting in the room and my dad walks into the room, I always stand up. Always.
He sees that and I'm being the best version of me.
If I'm walking and I see some trash around or something, someone could get hurt, I move it out of the way. I do something or if he sees something not right in the supermarket, I'll pick it up and put it back. I don't have to do that, but it's the best version of me.
Ryann (35:22.534)
Yeah.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (35:22.665)
Be so amazing, you cannot be ignored. This one thing will take you out of your head and out there serving other people. In the moment you give, there is no pain, there is no suffering. So your vibrational energy changes. When your vibrational energy changes, things will happen for you, to you, in a beautiful way.
Ryann (35:47.187)
What's your mission or your why statement? Can you sum it up in a sentence or like, what's, I have a sense you have a very mission driven goal here in life.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (35:58.719)
Yeah, yeah, I'm a ninja warrior, freedom fighter, unstoppable force of greatness that will move, touch and inspire 1 billion people by December 2626.
I just made that up. Never said it before. No. I say it every day.
Ryann (36:12.252)
Did you really? Okay, you say that every day. When someone shows up in the way that you show up and when someone is able to reframe these simple everyday things, I can sense that you've practiced and practiced and this has been an unfolding for you, right? And...
I often think about my purpose, my why, why I'm here. I believe we can change the world by starting at home, right? That's where I started in my own mind and heart. And it ripples out to the ones I love. And then it ripples out to our community. And really what it breaks down to is I'm trying to leave the world better than I found it. And...
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (36:57.886)
Real, real, real. I've got to stop you. There's no, there's no trying.
Ryann (37:00.294)
Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, I'm leaving the world better than I found it. Yeah. Thank you, Yoda. Wasn't that Yoda? There is no try. There is only can or cannot. Yeah.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (37:06.133)
Okay, you already have. You already have.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (37:16.917)
Yeah, really. The languaging that we use determines how we feel. If I said to you, I'll try and be on the call today at 10am Eastern. But if I said to you, Rianne, there's no way I'm going to miss this. I'm going to be early. I'm going to be ready. I'm going to be prepared. Languaging is everything.
Ryann (37:34.643)
Everything. I don't remember what I was listening to, but it was talking about how our language, actually the English language in particular, is very, it's a very disempowering language. And that's so interesting because it's just a subconscious thing. I didn't even know I said, I wasn't even aware. said, I'm trying. Cause trying means like, trying, working, grueling, right? But if we can...
This is so profound for me and I know it's going to be for so many people listening. Make it easy or let it, right? Or like this surrendering is what happens like in my mind. Yeah.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (38:12.245)
Committing, committing. And you know, I hear a lot of parents say this, be careful, you're gonna hurt yourself. It's too dangerous. Don't do that. And I think, my God, that's one sentence and you've instilled this fear into the child. my goodness.
Ryann (38:20.632)
Ugh, that drives me nuts.
Ryann (38:31.896)
my God, I so agree with you. When I'm at the playgrounds, I'm like, my gosh, do you hear the way we're talking to our kids? But we learned very on, we were really blessed to find a play-based preschool. And they actually educated the parents on ways to talk. So if your kid is climbing a tree and you're feeling like, because what we do is we project our fears onto them, right? And we're feeling nervous because we're scared of heights and my God, you know, and.
So what I learned really early on with my kids and gosh, am I grateful for this. are you safe up there? You feel safe? Okay. And we, they know like, mom, I feel safe. They'll tell me now, mom, I feel safe. And they're so confident, especially in their tree climbing, tree climbing ability in this house. Little shifts like that. I love that.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (39:21.363)
Okay, so what if you ask them, you confident? Are you strong?
Ryann (39:25.02)
Are you confident? Are you strong?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (39:28.553)
Are you pow?
Ryann (39:30.983)
Yeah.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (39:32.853)
Every morning, my grandson is 19 months, we say, I'm strong, I'm powerful, I'm kind, I'm generous, I am love, I am peace, I am joy, I am kind, I make a difference. When I speak, people listen. So we were instilling that at a very young age.
Ryann (39:48.251)
Wow, that is powerful. 19 months old. that's beautiful. And that's what I'm talking about, right? It happens young. not that it happens young. Because I feel now that parents, because I'm going, my kid is 10. I should have done that when we were 19 months, when she was 19 months. And I hear parents too, like, gosh, I wish I would have known that when I was raising my kids, right? And I think that, not I think.
We are doing our best, right, in any given moment with the awareness and the consciousness that we have, and it's unfolding all as it should be. But I think about your grandson and how blessed and lucky he is, and I'm really excited that my kids will be able to grow up in the same generation as him.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (40:36.838)
That's so beautiful.
Ryann (40:38.256)
Yeah, it's amazing. So, wow, this conversation is so powerful. I know everybody listening already has a couple reframes that they've got in their mind. They've already got a couple things that they're doing. Is there any other one thing that we can take into our week with us to do, be, embody in our lives, Anil?
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (41:01.077)
So we never know what other people are going through. They may have cancer, they may be dying, they may have someone else, something's going on in their lives. By you performing an act of kindness would have a tremendous effect that you'll never know. Be the best version of you. Remember to give, grow and be grateful.
Ryann (41:23.068)
Beautiful. How do we find you, follow you, learn about your work, get your book, all the things.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (41:28.757)
So the best way is my website meetaneal.com. You'll find a lot of free resources. You can download my book for free. You can get it on Amazon. I've got three bestsellers. And you know, if you need help, you know, I have a gift to remove the obstacles that are preventing you from leading richer, fuller, happier lives. There's a way that on my website, you can reach out to me and we can have a session. I'm gladly help you. I've been doing this for over 27 years. I'm getting quite good at it.
and we'd love to hear from you.
Ryann (42:02.93)
That shows you are absolutely brilliant at what you do. I will make sure to link all of that down in the show description. Thank you so much for sharing your light and your heart with us today, Anil.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (42:14.222)
Thank you for being such a great host.
Ryann (42:16.914)
Ah, yes, you've reminded us that love is not found. It is built moment by moment through awareness, forgiveness, gratitude, and giving. And to everyone listening, may you go love someone well.
Anil Gupta - The Love Doctor (42:33.141)
and start with yourself.
Ryann (42:36.325)
…and start with yourself. You heard it from the love doctor himself.
